You may have heard the story that’s going around about a toilet recall. If not, Fox News reporter Megyn Kelly got a big kick out of it while reporting the news the other night. You can watch her here.
Of course, readers of the Eckhartz Press novel “The Living Wills” (by Brendan Sullivan and Rick Kaempfer), are all too familiar with this exploding toilet phenomen. One of the characters in the novel, Delmar Dunwoody, works as a Port-A-Potty salesman, and the subject comes up during a sales meeting.
The following is a free excerpt…
Delmar took the last empty seat, placing his briefcase on the table in front of him.
“We were just discussing the latest complaints from Carpentersville Rib Fest,” Oscar said. “Before we were so rudely interrupted, Keith had the floor. He was telling us that they were balking about using us this year. What seems to be the problem?”
“You know how that lady is, boss,” Keith said. “She is absolutely positive that we have Japanese toilets that will explode on her.”
“Didn’t you tell her that our models are from Taiwan?” Oscar asked. “And that the whole exploding toilet thing is an urban legend?”
“Yes I did,” Keith continued, “but she said she saw it on the Internet. Something about the combination of methane gas, hot temperatures, and what happens when the fans aren’t working properly…”
“The shit hits the fan,” Brian the new guy said.
Everyone turned toward him and glared.
“Sorry,” he said.
“Tell her that Snopes.com has debunked the whole exploding toilet thing,” Oscar said. “Send her the link. That usually ends it.”
“But there was one suspicious incident in Japan with Ishikawa’s EasyFlow 360,” Keith pointed out. “You heard what happened there, right?”
“Dung Pao,” joked Brian.
Everyone glared again. This time Brian slouched in his seat.
“That hasn’t been debunked yet,” Keith continued. “They just added it to the bottom of the exploding toilet page, and its final assessment says ‘Insufficient Evidence’.”
“It’s on the same page?” Oscar asked.
“Yup.”
“Crap,” Oscar said.
“I got the same routine from Stuart at Page Construction last week,” Delmar piped in. “I just told him we don’t use the EasyFlow 360s because those things are way too high-tech for us.”
“But why are they exploding?” Keith asked. “Shouldn’t we be worried about that?”
“If we were in Japan, then yes,” Oscar said. “But I’m not worried about toilets exploding thousands of miles away from us. You know what I’m worried about?”
The four salesmen all looked down and muttered it at the same time.
“Leads.”
“Right!”
Remember, you read it here first! By the way, Eckhartz Press co-author Brendan Sullivan will be appearing tomorrow (January 25th at 10am) at the Winnetka Public Library (768 Oak Street in Winnetka) discusing his favorite subject: “How Collaboration Can Make Your Writing Process More Effective”
It’s something he knows a little something about. “The Living Wills” is a co-written novel.
Even the toilet stuff.
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