Our latest book is an emotional memoir called “Surviving Sue” by Dr. Vicki Atkinson. We got a chance to chat with her recently about her book, which is now officially available via Eckhartz Press.
EP: When your manuscript arrived at our desk, the book “I’m Glad My Mom Died” by Jennette McCurdy was sitting at the top of the New York Times bestseller list. That book is a very tough look at a mother/daughter relationship just like yours is. For people who have read that book, how is your book similar or different? Give us the elevator pitch.
Vicki: The main difference I see between the two books is the specific intent that I had to bring forward hope, especially in the face of the compounded challenges – not just my mom’s alcoholism but mental illness, elder care themes and support for persons with disabilities. Having hope then helps people do the work to understand their parents as people and shift out of anger into understanding.
When I was wrapping up “Surviving Sue” a friend mentioned McCurdy’s book and I read it, curious to see if there were parallels. Her book was an interesting read, in part because I felt like a voyeur, peeking into her life. Her mother’s aspirations for stardom played out in her ‘stage mom’ behavior and the child star challenges that McCurdy experienced and while it was heartbreaking, it wasn’t entirely relatable for those of us who aren’t in the entertainment industry.
EP: How difficult was it writing such a personal memoir? I’m guessing it was a rather emotional experience.
Vicki: My mom, Sue, died almost eight years ago and it took several years to consider writing her story. From a therapeutic point of view, writing a book when you’re angry or have unfinished business, unresolved pain isn’t a good starting point. I needed to make peace with the darker bits of Sue’s life and my experiences with her in order to write from a place of compassion and truth…but with an intent to offer hope to readers. And most of all, I wrote because our daughter, Delaney asked me to. I’m a believer in inter-generational healing and it was important for me to weave together all the parts and pieces – for her – so that all the dimensions of Sue – the shiny parts, the humor, could come through. Not just the drama-filled moments.
EP: Obviously some of the people mentioned in the book are still alive. Have they had a chance to read it, and what was their reaction?
Vicki: Yes. I was blessed to have ‘beta readers’ in the form of friends and family who’d been bystanders with front row seats for the ‘story of Sue’. As each read, I was relieved and pleased with their feedback – to a person. Most helpful was the deep read from a family member who saw every bit of Sue’s story – even before I was born – and his positive feedback about capturing the nuances of Sue’s life, seeing all of the “dimensions of Sue” as a complex character was a gift.
EP: Mental illness and addiction are such common problems in America, it’s fair to say that no family is untouched by either one. What do you hope readers take away from this book that might help them deal with one or both issues?
Vicki: Healing is possible. Parents are people, too – first and foremost – and there is no ‘perfect parenting’. I’m a believer in treatment, therapy, and time…time to address the pain points that originate in family madness and time to make peace and find solace in order to move on and love each other anyway.
EP: You have spent a lifetime in the counseling world, in academics and now as a leadership and life coach. How did the lessons learned living this story inform your approach in your professional life?
Vicki: The common thread in the work I’ve done as well as this book is that I try to live my life authentically and I’m a walking advertisement for the power of connection, the power of people helping people. Family dramas, pain, mental illness, Alzheimer’s, addiction, dealing with elder care issues are inevitable but the comfort that people can find by being connected to others, finding communities of support, can make all the difference. I both wanted to highlight the people that helped me in my journey with Sue, especially at the end of her life, and also encourage others to be helpers to those around them.
EP: Book launch party is coming soon. Tell us where and when.
Vicki: Yes! The first book signing is coming up on Thursday, July 13 at Barrington’s White House. Anyone interested in attending should email me for more details: victoria@kinson.email
Learn more about “Surviving Sue” by listening to Vicki’s podcast
Leave a Comment